Today is apparently not the day. Her breathing will get more ragged first, long pauses in between. Part of me wants this to end. We've said our goodbyes, it seems like time. The other part of me selfishly wants to be able to reach out and take her hand. She's not even the abridged version of her self, the Alzheimer's version, but there is comfort in physical presence and touch. Soon I won't have that. There is a lot of back and forth, ragged breathing suddenly calmed. It is not a steady deterioration. When she seems to improve I entertain a fantasy of running the film in reverse. All the events that led to her lying in this bed would suddenly run backwards. While I'm indulging in magical thinking I'll take her back to her pre-Alzheimer days, back to book discussions, travels and wise advice.
Then the idiocy began. They wanted to speak with my mother, obviously not feasible as I explained to them. Then they advised me that they couldn't make that note without me faxing my POA to them and emails with scans were unacceptable. To correct an address that THEY recorded incorrectly. After working my way up a chain of idiocy, I must confess I was none too polite as I let loose from the middle of the parking lot, shaking with rage. This is not a time when one suffers fools well. Never was very good at that even on a good day.